Maintaining good mental health is the most important thing to having a balanced happy life. We fight everyday. We try to be strong and keep going. However, we don’t do so in a vacuum. There are two kinds of people that come into your life. Surfers and Sharks. Surfers are the people that love you and support you unconditionally. They surf right along side you through all the back and forth waves, rip currents, and wipe outs. They always are looking out for you and make sure that you are happy and safe. The other kind of people are sharks. They lay under the surface and can strike at any moment. Or they swim around waiting for you to fall. We all should try to have as many surfers in our lives as we can. They look out for sharks, they can protect you, they will let you jump on their board if you fall. They can bring you safely to shore. They sharks don’t care about you. They are looking for an opportunity to bring you down, and attack your well-being. They will be the people that can cause so much pain and hurt that it will be hard to recover. So find those surfer buddies. Stick together. Watch each other’s backs and enjoy the beautiful waves life gives us.
Believe it or not that was me the Spring of 2011. I was leading a wonderful life. Healthy, happy, fulfilled. I prayed multiple times each day, attended a few different services through out the week, and traveled to attend services to visit Bishops. I felt stronger than ever and was looking towards a wonderful future with my husband. Until this happened…
Yep, that’s what mania looks like for me. It hit me quick and hard. Suddenly I couldn’t pray and lost all interest in being a good Orthodox woman. I wanted all the men, I bought tons of sexy clothes, went out partying all the time and slept very little so I could do more of those previous things. It was a disaster to say the least. It effected my husband, friends and family, because when I’m manic I think the things I’m doing are 100% acceptable. I had no guilt about my actions. I was having fun!! It took a long time for the mania to subside and when it did my life was in shambles.
It’s been a long time since I was a devoted Orthodox woman and since that manic episode. I still feel like I’m trying to put together all the pieces. I don’t fit in a box. None of us do. There are pieces from both times that need to be a part of who I am. They linger deep inside of me. I want to be more connected to God. I want to have my faith strengthened, but on the other hand I was so changed with mania I can’t ever become the person I was. There were some wonderful people that I met when I was manic. People that are still in my life and I never want that to change. The question I struggle with is whether the things we do when we are manic are sinful or not. I really can’t find the answer. There’s so much grey area, yet I feel 100% confident that things happen for a reason. So in your 100 shades of grey where do you find peace with who you are today?