Category Archives: Life

Surfers and Sharks


Maintaining good mental health is the most important thing to having a balanced happy life. We fight everyday. We try to be strong and keep going. However, we don’t do so in a vacuum. There are two kinds of people that come into your life. Surfers and Sharks. Surfers are the people that love you and support you unconditionally. They surf right along side you through all the back and forth waves, rip currents, and wipe outs. They always are looking out for you and make sure that you are happy and safe. The other kind of people are sharks. They lay under the surface and can strike at any moment. Or they swim around waiting for you to fall. We all should try to have as many surfers in our lives as we can. They look out for sharks, they can protect you, they will let you jump on their board if you fall. They can bring you safely to shore. They sharks don’t care about you. They are looking for an opportunity to bring you down,  and attack your well-being. They will be the people that can cause so much pain and hurt that it will be hard to recover. So find those surfer buddies. Stick together. Watch each other’s backs and enjoy the beautiful waves life gives us.

Idle Lips


There’s a quote from the bible that says “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece.” Now I don’t personally find this to be the best way to say what I’m getting at but the idea is there. I’ve been fighting lately. So many ups and downs, I just want off the roller coaster and crawl into bed and stay there. For a while I was doing just that. By doing that however, I was allowing negativity into my life. I was adding obsessive thoughts. Lustful thought. Things that really were not going to help me back on the road to being stable again.

It’s not about the devil or some evil outside force. I was honestly being idle. Not trying to do anything to help myself. So I did one small thing. I got a twitter account. I started to interact with people of like mindedness. I started writing my blog again. My lips were no longer idle and I began to feel better. I felt like I was a part of something and it made me feel less lonely. Words are powerful and really do help make ourselves feel less isolated.

This was really helping, but I needed more to do with my free time. I was literally obsessing about how bad my life was, about how miserable and sad and lonely I was. So after some disappointing interviews, I decided that if I don’t get the jobs that I’m going to make a quilt. This seems disconnected, but I needed something to fall back on as a solid project for my very idle hands. So I started sewing and I started having less negative thoughts. I was focused on my work and I feel like I was accomplishing something. I’ve also began to draw more too and my mind gets so focused that the hours pass and I don’t even realize it. I’m feeling better. It really does help to find a hobby that you can do with out and stress. Try quilting, or knitting, or scrapbooking, or building something,or any kind of art. Keep your hands busy and keep writing and tweeting. In time things will naturally work there way out. What do you do to keep your mind occupied?


Choose to be Awesome Today


Today I choose to be positive! It’s been a crummy week. I’ve been negative and beating myself up. I’m usually my own worst critic. I’m constantly told I’m too hard on myself. I’ve found this in a lot of us that have mental illnesses. Depression takes away a lot of our ability to make positive choices. It’s almost impossible sometimes. I’ve been to that dark place far too many times. I’m at the point where I need to stop the cycle. I woke up this morning and decided that today was going to be good. That today I was going to be happy and not let things that don’t matter get me down. I want to enjoy the simple things. I was able to take my 2 year old to school without a tantrum! Score! Seems small, but I’m taking it as a good sign for the rest of the day. I turned the radio up and put my “Happy” play list and danced and sang in the car. Nope not manic. Just enjoying the beauty of the simple things. Hold on tight to those small things. They build up and build up until you realize you really do feel good. If you can keep this attitude up, just maybe you will start a new way of thinking, a new beginning for the way you view your life. Let’s do it! Let’s try together. Supporting each other is huge. Tweet what positive thoughts you have today and tag me @iseaturtles Happy Friday everyone!

100 Shades of Grey

Orthodox Christian woman

Believe it or not that was me the Spring of 2011. I was leading a wonderful life. Healthy, happy, fulfilled. I prayed multiple times each day, attended a few different services through out the week, and traveled to attend services to visit Bishops. I felt stronger than ever and was looking towards a wonderful future with my husband. Until this happened…

I decided I was a pin up model and the most beautiful woman alive!
I decided I wanted to be a pin up model and felt like the most beautiful woman alive!

Yep, that’s what mania looks like for me. It hit me quick and hard. Suddenly I couldn’t pray and lost all interest in being a good Orthodox woman. I wanted all the men, I bought tons of sexy clothes, went out partying all the time and slept very little so I could do more of those previous things. It was a disaster to say the least. It effected my husband, friends and family, because when I’m manic I think the things I’m doing are 100% acceptable. I had no guilt about my actions. I was having fun!! It took a long time for the mania to subside and when it did my life was in shambles.

Today still trying to make sense of it all.

It’s been a long time since I was a devoted Orthodox woman and since that manic episode. I still feel like I’m trying to put together all the pieces. I don’t fit in a box. None of us do. There are pieces from both times that need to be a part of who I am. They linger deep inside of me. I want to be more connected to God. I want to have my faith strengthened, but on the other hand I was so changed with mania I can’t ever become the person I was. There were some wonderful people that I met when I was manic. People that are still in my life and I never want that to change. The question I struggle with is whether the things we do when we are manic are sinful or not. I really can’t find the answer. There’s so much grey area, yet I feel 100% confident that things happen for a reason. So in your 100 shades of grey where do you find peace with who you are today?


WP_20141103_002If I could choose one word to describe my personal set of beliefs it would be kismet.

[ ˈkizmit, -ˌmet ]
noun: kismet
destiny; fate:
“what chance did I stand against kismet?”
There have been very specific events and people who have shaped the course of my life. I can tell you exact instances that changed me to become the person who I am today. These moments may have seemed positive or negative at the time, but honestly they were just meant to be. I believe in God. I also believe all things happen for a reason, but I believe that specific certain things are destined to be. It is really interesting to look back and see how people seemingly popped into my life out of nowhere. How they have become an integral part of my everyday life. They changed my course, my barring. As a abuse survivors, we often question why did that have to happen, or what could have I done differently to change it. In my humble opinion, I had to happen. It made me who I am today, so in my mind it wasn’t negative. It was meant to be. It actually makes it much easier to deal with. The beauty of kismet is what it does for me in looking forward. When I’m down, when I’m depressed, when I think things will never get better, I look down at my arm tattoo and remember kismet. I am reminded that I never know what’s around the corner and that there are things and people that will be coming into my life and that there is more in my future. I say that that events aren’t positive or negative, but I believe that God has only good plans for me. So even if the events are viewed as negative, they are there to serve a higher purpose even if I can’t see it at the moment. Kismet also makes me excited! There is a whole life ahead of me and I can’t wait to see what happens! I can’t wait to meet these people that will define my life. I can’t wait to see what exciting moments there will be.
If you are struggling, look back from where you came. Think about the moments of kismet in your life. The moments who defined who you are. Know that there will be more of these moments and people in your future and look forward to them coming. Because they will come. Just have faith that your life is meant to be good even in your darkest hour.

Taking Action


I have always been taught to respect the men and women who serve our country. My grandfathers served, two uncles, and a few others in the family. I wasn’t raised in a military household, but I was taught at a young age that our freedom is protected by our military.. I hadn’t thought about it a lot  until a few years ago. My husband got a job offer to travel to Iraq  to work for a year. The decision had to be made in one day. We had some very serious conversations. We both believe in serving our country, but we never would have been able to be in the military ourselves. But this was his chance to really go out there and make a difference and I was supportive 100%. When he was gone we talked a little about what he was doing and the people he was meeting and how hard the soldiers were working and wonderful it was to work with. He was making a difference when  I never had the opportunity to. The work he did out there made me proud that he cared enough about our country to go out there and help get our soldiers home. Regardless, I will never have the words to adequately express my feelings of just how much I love this country. About how much respect and pride I feel towards our soldiers who are out there every day serving our country. Keeping us safe and preserving our freedom. But they pay a huge price. They often come home physically and mentally disabled. Some can’t work. Others suffer from terrible PTSD. I have PTSD as well, but I can’t even imagine the impact is has on them. I feel like they have had it so much harder. So I’m here sitting at my desk writing about how patriotic I feel, but what I really feel is that I’m not doing anything. We can write and talk all we want, but are we really helping anyone? I believe some of us are, but is it enough? I believe I can do more. This morning I signed up to volunteer with Soldier’s Angels. A group that helps you find service men and women to write letters to. Letting them know that we at home support them and want to know we are there for them. I also contacted the local VA hospital. I want to go volunteer there as well. I have no idea what they need, but whatever it is I’ll do it. I’m not trying to make my self look good, or be prideful or whatever. I’m just saying I was feeling guilty for believing in something, wanting to fight for someone, but not actually doing anything about it. So I challenge you to try to take action. It doesn’t have to be much. It can be so simple. Take 5 minutes out of your week and send a soldier a letter. It will mean so much to them. I don’t know if I can make a difference, but I’m not going to stand back not do anything any more.


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