Yep the hubby and I decided we needed a little one. I am in a place in my life where I feel confident and stable and we need someone who will take all our stuff when we die. Just kidding. Mostly… It was a long hard pregnancy, but I managed to make it despite being high risk. I decided to stay on my meds, because I felt it was the best thing for me and the baby. He was born pretty traumatically for me on May 16th. It was an emergency C section where they took him and mu husband right away running off somewhere while I was drugged. They stuck me in a weird empty room filled with empty dark bays. I was all alone and was wondering where my baby was. He ended up in NICU for 10 days. I didn’t see him for the first 2 and then I had to go home and couldn’t visit him for the rest of the time really because it was so far and i was in so much pain. Once he got home it was a whirl wind. My mom and hubby did mostly everything. Since I can’t lose sleep without becoming manic they took the night shifts. I won’t lie. The first few, hell the first year I had a really hard time. I didn’t feel connected to him and never really got that bond. I really just didn’t get babies. I always felt guilty. Like I should be feeling something I couldn’t feel. Then when he turned one this got magical. He became a real person. I honestly feel in love. I know I know I’m a little slow to catch on to things, but I finally got it. I loved him unconditionally. He’s a few months older now and we are having the best time. He does go to daycare mostly full time, just in case I have a hard time. Which has only happened once where I needed someone to take him for the week, but other than that things have been great. I finally found out what normal life is about and it’s beautiful. I have a perfect little family that I couldn’t love any more and a husband that loves our child and me more than life its self. I really couldn’t be better.
I had a bit of a nervous situation a few weeks back. My pdoc and I decided to take me off lithium after about 7 years. There was stuff with my kidneys. I switched over to depakote, since I was not unable to have any more children. (tubeal by choice). Everything transitioned smoothly and am glad to say I experience no side effects. I’m pretty amazed to be honest.
So that’s where I’ve been for a while. I’d like to try to write more now that the web page is back and up and running. We had a little down time… I’m going to talk more about my emotions on parenting and relationships. Life is good and I’m really happy honest healthy happy.