Alter Wars

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I’ve been kinda busy. Busy battling an alter. I’ve been fighting not to give in and dissociate. It’s a black evil thing. My alters have always tried to help me, but this one crossed the line. He is built up of every bit of anger I’ve ever had my entire life that I’ve never expressed or let myself feel. He’s become too powerful. He’s trying to consume me or make me hurt myself. I’ve had enough. Last week I was seriously consider checking myself into a hospital. Something I never consider. I was scared and was being pushed over the edge. But I decided to fight. I made a painting of him to get part of him out of my head. I talked to my therapist and showed it to her. Then I kept thinking how to beat him. It came to me while laying in bed with Greg. I needed to let the anger out slowly. Steal his power. I told Greg everything that had made me angry ever. It felt so good. Later I had a conversation with a friend and told him how he had made me angry. Again something I never go. I was beginning to see how I could win this battle. I’m going to learn how to constructively get angry and maybe deal with past problems too. I’m currently at my mom’s and feeling pretty good this week. Just need to keep working on this when I get home. But I will win.

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