Writing

I haven’t blogged in a little while for a few reasons. I have stopped feeling funny or overly happy. I kept telling myself that no one wants to read about the depressed side of bipolar disorder. Now, let me be clear. I’m not totally depressed, but I’ve been fighting like hell not to go there again. Then I realized the reason I started and kept writing this blog. It’s not for anyone else necessarily. I love that people read what I write, but the reason I write is just for me. It’s a written account of my moods, my life, and my thoughts. For me it’s a historical record. So just to throw it out there, I have been working on a book. At the moment I’m writing about the summer of 2011 and how insane it was. It’s a little scary remembering all those people and all those feelings. Writing down things that might someday piss someone off… But what ever I’m writing the truth for me right now, and it can be edited out later if so needed. For right now, it’s all for me. I’ve also gone through my files looking at other writing I’ve done. I might just as well have a whole damn book written for all intents and purposes. It all needs rewritten though, the journals which are my prized possessions need added in, but there is stuff there I don’t even remember writing. I know I’ve always written, but I forgot how much. It’s pretty exciting. It definitely a great place to start from. It will be about my life, my trials, my joys, and how they all are connected through bipolar disorder, dissociation, and trauma. I think it will work if I can stay focused enough to write more than one page at a time before I get overwhelmed with emotion. But this brings me to my saying above. Though reading all of these past stories, I’ve realized that I might have done some seriously bad decision making in the past, but if it wasn’t for those wrong choices I’d never be where I am today. Strong, a fighter, loving, caring, and being able to laugh at myself. So I embrase all my choices both good and bad and I want to weave them into the story I want to tell.

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