A few posts ago I wrote a story about my cat after a traumatizing dentist visit. Today, unfortunately I had to go back for more tortuous dental work. This time I had a different mind set about the whole thing and had also changed my meds a bit. It made all the difference. I’ve decided to find the even the smallest bit of positive in something and exploit the hell out of it. But to get there I really had to thing a lot about what I can change and what I cannot.
I was at the BWI airport last night having a full blown panic/rage/kill everyone attack when my husband told me something.
Greg- “I know your eyes are going to roll back into your head and get stuck forever when I say this, but maybe you need to think of the serenity prayer.” Damn you Greg and always being right all the damn time.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about or if you’re like me and had to look it up to make sure I got the words right, it goes like this.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
I thought it might be helpful to identify things that I can’t change and things I can. So here goes with my lists.
Things I cannot change:
- The time it will take for me to feel my face again after 4 novocain shots
- When my crazy mood swings will happen
- Other people’s behavior and feelings
- Random things breaking
- How big my feet are
- Having bipolar disorder, PTSD, and diabetes
- Being allergic to most kitty cats
- My genetics
- Laughing hysterically and crying when people talk about poop
- Predetermined events/ God’s will
- How I love too much
- When I can’t sleep and have tried everything
- My random personality
- Manic speed talking
- Medco pharmacy sucking
Things I can change:
- How I react to situations
- Most of the time- What I say to other people
- My outlook on negative events
- Getting my lazy butt back in shape
- What I eat
- Deciding to laugh instead of cry
- How I treat people
- Not let other’s opinions and actions bring me down
- How productive I am
- I can find a kitty cat I’m not allergic to out there somewhere
- I can redecorate rooms I all of a sudden can’t stand
- Decide to stay in therapy or not
- Being so impulsive
- Wake up each morning and do the best that I can do for just that very day
You know I’m looking at these lists and I’m realizing something I haven’t thought of before. Some of the things on the cannot change list I don’t want to change. They are what makes me, me. And some of the things on the things I can change list I don’t want to change. Because they also make me, me. But to put things in these groups makes me realize that there is so much bigger than me and that sometimes I just need to let things go. So maybe make your own lists. Post them and let me know how it goes.