If you haven’t already figured it out I really hate change. I just can’t seem to cope when even the most insignificant thing changes. For instance, we got a new kitty cat last week.

His name is Orion. He is a 1-yr old blue point

He is pretty awesome, but it’s been stressful trying to get Bella and him to get along. I’m pretty sure the stress is what caused me to get rid of 3 cocker spaniels when Greg was gone. But Orion is so curious and fun and super lovable. I think he’ll make the cut. For Pascha Greg and I were making bacon candy. We stepped outside for a minute and were talking and remembered we left the bacon on the counter and Orion has been exploring every inch of the house. Greg remembers this and says to me, “Oh no, we’re going to have to go peel the bacon off the cat now.”

But this has been the least of my stress/freakouts. Sorry about the angry last post. I just am not coping with the erratic schedule. When Greg was over seas I had a rhythm. Not a schedule per se, but a rhythm to my days and weeks. Since he’s been back I’ve also gained a lot of weigh. When I was alone I was doing great with diet and exercise. Now I just can’t find that rhythm.

As some of you might know, I’m an Orthodox Christian. In my mind a pretty horrible one, but one non the less. This Sunday was Pascha, our Easter. It’s about resurrection and cleansing of our sins. It’s also the liturgical new year. I had really hoped that I would find a way to put all my past issues away and start a new cleansed and renewed. I really wanted that. I wanted this change and I never want change. Well it turns out that my mind is protesting and all it wants to do is keep doing the same bad things that I’ve been doing to cope. It’s disappointing to say the least.

I’m beginning to learn that change isn’t something that happens over night. For me it takes a whole hell of a lot of time. I just don’t know how to cope when a bunch of stuff happens all at the same time. It’s been a few things lately that have really thrown me for a loop. Big things that I just don’t know how to deal with healthily. I need some kind of life coach to come in and tell me what to do and when and keep me out of trouble. I feel lost and I can’t seem to find my way.

I better end this before it gets any more rambling. But change is my biggest challenge and with bipolar disorder there are triggers. Usually the triggers are caused by change. I think the more I get on a schedule the better off I’ll be. I just don’t know where to start. Suggestions?

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