B: If you could be any Disney princess which one would you be?
B: A princess. Which one?
B: I would be Snow White. Wanna know why?
B: Because she has the best minions. I really want minions.
G: Cinderella has minions.
B: Her minions suck. All she has are stupid mice and birds. Snow White has 7 Dwarfs!! I want 7 dwarfs.
G: Oh Lord.
B: No really, I’m going to see if I can find some little people to be my minions like Snow White.
G: Where do you think you might go about finding these dwarfs?
B: No seriously. I’m going to put an ad up. WANTED: 7 dwarf/midget/little people to serve as my security team/minions. I will provide uniforms, comfortable work environment, and emotional support. And I’ll feed you too.
G: A security team?
B: Yes, I need a security team to keep the bad guys away. Since I’m a princess and all. I’ll get them all little outfits with black security T-shirts and tactical pants and little tactical boots. Oh, and they all have to look like tiny versions of The Rock. And sunglasses. They have to wear sunglasses all the time.
G: I’m not sure what to say, but why do they have to look like The Rock and how are 7 little midgets going to protect you?
B: One, because The Rock looks badass and would still look badass shrunken down. And they would protect me by kicking people in the shins and biting them. There would be a lot of biting. And they would keep me surrounded in a circle at all times.
G: You know I’ll protect you right?
B: Yeah, but you aren’t as awesome as a midget minion security team. Plus you don’t let me dress you up for special occasions like St. Patrick’s Day and Christmas.
G: I can’t argue with that.
B: Good. Now I’m going to go write that Craigslist ad…