i’m still here

i’m alive. that’s the most important thing. how my mental state is is still a toss up. i’m doing ok most of the time. a spent a few weeks freaking out about all that happened during this past manic episode. i was throughly horrified and disgusted with myself. i can’t believe everything that happened. i became a totally different person. now that i’m not manic i’m trying to put my life back together again and figure out who i am and what i want. i cut out all ties to people that i had some how let in my life this summer that are certainly not good to be around. i still get a random text or call, but it’s died down for the most part. but it’s left me incredibly lonely. i hate being alone. i need someone to be around me most of the time. i don’t require a lot of alone time. never have. from the looks of it i have about 2 more months of this too. i don’t want to do it anymore. i’m fed up. but what can i do other that suck it up and do whatever i feel is best to make it easier and as pleasant as possible. maybe things i do sound weird to most of you, but i’ve always done things a little differently that the norm. i don’t really care what anyone else things of me honestly. i care what greg thinks most of the time though. but he gets it better than anyone else. so to sum up, i guess i’m still putting all the pieces back together and finding my footing. i do need to pull it together a little better and take care of my health. better eating more exercise. gotta start that immediately. wish me luck!

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