radioactive

I’m breaking down at an alarming rate. I think the lack of sleep has finally caught up to me. I feel like a radioactive element quickly reaching my half life. Thoughts, feelings, ideas, emotions, pain, joy, confusion, clarity. All flying off my brain quicker than i can recognize them. the mania has been really not too bad. i mean it will seem horrible later i’m sure and i’m sure i’ll be doing a lot of explaining and apologizing, but it’s been easier than being suicidal for long periods of time. but right now i don’t have a clue what’s going to happen next. i’ve never felt this mentally ill in all my life. it’s weird. it’s like i can see the crazy. I’m scared to talk to or be around loved ones right now. i am unstable and who knows what could happen. Maybe sleep tonight will help. i had all these great things i wanted to write, but the exhaustion just hit me and i can’t keep a thought straight in my head right now. I’ll be fine. it’s just another weird part of this illness.

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