I’ve been focusing on this verse a lot lately. It’s been a very challenging, rewarding, scary, exciting, anxious, and love filled year. Some how I’ve found my peace. Things don’t ruin me when they go wrong anymore. I try to take everything in stride and focus on the positive rather than the negative. The bipolar disorder hasn’t been effecting me for a long time now. In the last few months I’ve lost a lot of weight, made some wonderful friends and have really be happy. Unfortunately my health hasn’t corporated. Some how I have diabetes. Out of no where. I mean I had been over weight and unhealthy for so long because of the bipolar depression, but to me it felt like it came out of no where. It sucks, but what can I do other than take better care of myself. I’m not letting anything get me that down ever again. When something goes wrong I pray it out. A thousand Lord Have Mercies if I have to. I have to keep going. I can’t afford to fall apart anymore. I used to fall apart over the tiniest things, now with Greg gone and by choice I don’t have the luxury to lose it for an extended period of time. I just have too many responsibilities. I deserve better than that.
So in two weeks Greg will be home. Not for good unfortunately though. He’s going back over for 3 more months. Boo! But it will put us in a good financial position for the future. After that I’m never letting him leave my side ever again. You know people say, “I could never be away from my husband for that long.” I was the last person on earth that anyone would think could handle this. And I have. He’s over there because he loves me. Because he wanted to fix past mistakes and plan for our future. A future that God willing one day with include children. He loves me so much that he would go so far from me to do what’s best for me. I respect him so much for what he does everyday.
It’s Lent now. That means fasting. Not just of food, but of other distractions and passions. It’s a time for reflection and increased prayer. I especially right now need to focus on that and not my problems. Taking care of my spiritual life is just as important if not more so than my physical well being. So it’s time to dig into those books on Orthodoxy I keep meaning to read and crack open that prayer book a few times a day.
I’m so thankful for everything I have. My life has become truely beautiful this year. I for once look forward to the future and can’t wait to see what is in store for me.